The funny thing is, it was hard to find information on the actual ceremony other than what the typical wedding coordinators list on their websites. I didn’t want to just know what was included in the cost of the wedding package, I wanted to know what exactly was going to be done. And more importantly, what it meant. But, it wasn’t until the day before our wedding that I actually got my hands on that information from our own wedding coordinators at Romantic Weddings.

If you are asking the same questions we were, here is the breakdown provided to us:

The Balinese Blessing Ceremony

1. The Mangku (priest) twinkles the bell to speak to the God (in Sanskrit mantra) that today a sacred wedding is about to be performed.

2. The bride and groom receive this Balinese dadap leaf, holy water, and burnt rice, which means purification and cleansing of the body and the spirit. The assistant priest then burns 3 stalks of bamboo on fire to symbolize the burning of any sinful past as individuals by the God Brahma (Batara Brahma).

3. The bride and groom receive holy water on their chests to purify and prepare their hearts for a blessed marriage.

4. The bride and groom receives coconut water on their heads using a palm leaf (3 times), and their hands to drink (3 times), and then on their hand to wipe on top of their heads (1 time).

5. Muspa- The bride and groom pray:

a. Putting both hands together and raise between eyebrows.
b. Muspa Puyung: Praying without holding flowers. This is to concentrate and centralize all the senses to ask Sang Hyang Widhi Wasa (the highest God) for purity of the soul.
c. The first Muspa: Holding flowers between the two hands and raising them between the eyebrows. This is to ask Dewa Surya (the God of the Sun) to share with us His compassionate radiance to the people of the world.
d. The second Muspa: Holding ‘Kwangen’ (little flower arrangement) between the two hands and raising them between the eyebrows. This is to ask the specific God of the Padmasana (this small tower/temple protecting the hotel) so that we will always be protected and safe.
e. The third Muspa: Using similar ‘Kwangen’ to pray to all the holy Gods and Goddesses to always give us happiness and health.
f. Muspa Puyung (similar to point b above): To show gratitude for everything that we have, every blessing of life that we have received until now.

6. The wedding couple moves near the source of fire.

7. The assistant priest takes floral water using a coconut shell and pours on a bamboo cylinder, symbolizing straining all the past shadows of wrongdoings. The bride and groom then gurgle this water 3 times.

8. The couple stand and go around the offerings on the table (the groom in front and the bride behind him) 3 times.

9. Metimpug-timpung tipat gandhu- Throwing the ball made from palm leaves, to symbolize playful communication and a balanced cooperation between the bride and the groom.
10. Nues tikeh dadakan- The bride and groom tear green pandanus arrangement together to symbolize the opening a new door of life.

11. The bride and groom step on an empty coconut shell with an egg inside to leave their single lives and start a life together as parents.

12. Megat benang- The bride and groom cut a white thread together, symbolizing the entrance of a new life together.

13. Daksina- The bride carries a palm leaf arrangement with egg, rice, ancient coins symbolizing the nurturing wife who manages a harmonious home, and walks in front, while the groom walks behind the bride chasing her with thin, long bamboo stick (lidi), around the offerings 3 times, occasionally (playfully) hitting the wife with the thin long lidi symbolizing the guy as the head of the family who stirs the family in the rightful and prosperous direction.

14. The groom and bride sit down again and receive rice on the back of their palms. The priest brings a duck to kiss the forehead of the bride and groom 3 times and then lowers the duck to eat the rice from the hands (3 times). Same thing afterwards with a chicken. The duck and chicken are believed to be holy animals bringing prosperity to the couple, so that everything they do together thereafter would be fruitful and successful.

15. The bride and groom then take whichever treat or fruit they want from the traditional fruit and cake tower, and feed a bite to each other to symbolize continuous caring and love between one another.

That’s it. That’s the ceremony. And now you’ve got the answer to the age-old question, ‘why is that duck eating rice off of those nice people’s foreheads.’

Anway.

So, today is the big day. (Well, it was when I first wrote this…10/31/07) Travel Boyfriend and I are taking the Nestea Plunge® into wedded matrimony. But first, I’m going to offer myself over to Tugu Hotel’s spa staff to tenderize me into a state of euphoria.

Bless their souls, Tugu Hotel offers a mind-boggling array of spa options in a variety of settings amidst their lush and architecturally detailed property. I knew I had met my match when I requested their spa menu and received an 18-page PDF file in return. No joke!

For the next 150 minutes (while Travel Boyfriend lounges by the pool wondering what the heck I could possibly be doing for 2 ½ hours), I am scheduled to receive the four-pronged Keraton treatment, which Tugu describes thusly:

A combination of several techniques and treatments, to make you feel like a Javanese Prince or Princess in Keraton (Javanese Palace). This Keraton treatment applies the Royal Javanese full body treatment. This cultural experience will take you to the journey through time of Javanese total body treatment. It begins with a 45-minues scalp massage and traditional hair treatment called Ratus Wangi (a hair perfuming treatment where the hair is perfumed with the steam of boiling essence), followed by a 45-minutes full-body traditional Balinese massage, Royal Javanese Luluran (traditional, all-natural body scrub) and ends with a relaxing, indulging Mandi Susu Bunga (tropical floral and milk bath).

Dear god, doesn’t that make you feel relaxed just reading it? And steam of boiling essence? How do they think these things up?

My treatment is taking place in an al fresco hut with gentle breezes blowing across my bare skin. That actually sounds better than it is when we get to the part where I’m slathered in turmeric paste and yogurt. Then it’s just darn right chilly. And to be honest, 2 ½ hours is actually an insanely long period of time to be lying on a massage table. But, the two attendants couldn’t be sweeter. They are my wedding day Aunties and they keep me from dwelling too much on not having my bridesmaids around on this special day.

My only worry during the process is making sure I am able to completely scrub off the turmeric paste. During my first lulur the week prior, I came home at the end of the night with a bra and tank top stained yellow. This was super classy since I’d been hanging out at Captain Cook’s that night trying to make friends and was unaware that it looked like I was sporting golden NBA-player-sized pit stains.

But as I bob around after the massage and scrub in the flowered milk bath, one of my Tugu Aunties assures me I will be fine and that the natural paste will not stain my dress. Then she scoops warm water up from the tub and drizzles it over my arms and back as she chats to me about her daughter. The moment feels very Ya Ya Sisterhood (and I like it). Then she instructs me to get out of the tub so she can pat me dry.

“You can take off underwear.”

I glance down and see that my tourist panties looks like I’m wearing the adult diaper of a nursing home patient on an all-carrot diet. Ew! Feeling surprisingly unmodest, I slip them off and allow her to envelop me in a towel.

Afterwards she says, “You can put underwear on now.”

Not too sure I want to get back into the slogging mass, my hand moves furtively to the tourist panties bunched up on the edge of the tub.

“No, the underwear of Miss Betty.”

Shwew!

I am then led over to the hair creaming station. Mmmm, my scalp is massaged and my hair is creamed and then I smell the boiling essence and the breeze is blowing and I’m warm from the bath and I think they could be preparing me for an execution instead of a wedding right now and I wouldn’t care a lick.

Soon enough I’m led back to the pool area where Travel Boyfriend has just started to get antsy. He laughs and points at a flower the Tugu Auntie hung from a single strand of my hair. Guys just don’t get it.

Travel Betty Basics

Tugu Hotel
Jl. Pantai Batu Bolong, Canggu Beach, Bali, Indonesia
Telephone +62 361 731 701
Ambiance: 5 out of 5 Passion Fruits
Treatment: 5 out of 5 Passion Fruits
Cost: US $74 (this was my splurge, but imagine what it would have cost in the States!)

It’s official, my main man is Travel Boyfriend in name only!

I’ve been lax in letting you know that we got married October 31st at the stunning Tugu Hotel in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.

And what better place to grab a post-reception-for-2 drink than Captain Cook’s, the lively expat hangout near my villa? Main benefit: Stumbling distance.

Actually, we’re only really half-married since we’ve still got the legal ceremony with our folks the day before Thanksgiving in Chico, California. But for all intents and purposes, I’m now officially Ms. Travel Betty-Travel Boyfriend.

Ha! Don’t worry, we’re not changing our names.

Friday morning Travel Boyfriend and I woke up bright and early to head down to City Hall to apply for our marriage license. You can apply up to 90 days before your actual ceremony and since there will only be three days between my getting back from Bali and our legal ceremony with the parents, we decided to get on the stick.

It’s very exciting to know that even though the ceremony is a month and a half away, that at any moment between then and now, should TB and I be in the company of an ordained minister, we could just hitch ourselves. The city has given us license!

They have also thoughtfully given us this free brochure on sharing your life as one without exposing each other to AIDS.

Our first wedding gift!

That’s how Travel Boyfriend and I felt about our decision to get married in Bali. For about 18 hours anyway. Roughly the same amount of time it took to call and share the news with our first family member. In this case, TB’s mom, a saintly woman who deserves to feel no sadness in life.

TB started off gently. He spoke of high wedding costs. He mentioned our desire to accelerate the timeframe. And then he mentioned Bali and wedding in the same sentence and his mother’s heart shattered into pieces.

No big ceremony? No family? No gown? No matching her dress to my wedding colors?

After the phone call, Travel Boyfriend came into the living room to announce that his mother was crushed. To be honest, it never occurred to me that his parents would care. He’s a boy. No one ever said boys’ parents care about these things.

Determined to keep our grand plan intact, we flew into damage control mode. Maybe we could fly her out. Hmm, a 70+ year old woman on a 24+ hour plane trip? No good. We could have legal ceremonies in both Bali and California. Too much paperwork. We could tell her we were just kidding and then do it anyway. Too sneaky and not a great way to start off the whole “happily ever after.”

After hours of internal discussion and days of silence from TB’s mom, we came up with a solution that, although a bit gangly, seemed to bring peace to the Travel Boyfriend household.

The new plan breaks down thusly:

• Travel Boyfriend and I will have a non-legal Balinese Blessing Ceremony involving all the ritual and pomp and deep meaning that we were originally hoping for. This will be our actual wedding day and we will celebrate our anniversaries (may there be many) on this day—Halloween, so we don’t ever forget!!
• Travel Boyfriend and I will have a legal ceremony upon return to the U.S. with just our parents the day before Thanksgiving. Originally conceived to take place in the Butte County Clerk-Recorder’s Office (Mmm, smell the romance), we decided to splurge and find a gazebo somewhere up around Chico, CA.
• Travel Boyfriend’s extended family will come to visit the day after Thanksgiving to help us celebrate and to meet my parents.
• Travel Boyfriend and I will fly out sometime in January to Cleveland, OH to have a tastefully small luncheon for my family and friends of my family.
• Travel Boyfriend and I will have a totally fun, formal reception in San Francisco at the end of January with our friends.

Not only does this new schedule of wedding activities allow us to hit all the major family and friend food groups, it allows us to celebrate for a full three months! And since we won’t be asking the same people to come to all of the events (aside from ourselves), it won’t seem like it’s dragging on and on for everyone. Plus, this newly devised plan should come in at a whopping THIRD of the cost of our original one day/30k option. Not bad for two kids in love!

My question of “where does body fat go when it’s cinched into a corset” has been answered. Like cream, it rises to the top. Then is spills over and flops down over the white fabric and crystal beading to look like a second pair of breasts. Maybe not as fine as the ones in front (hell-yeah!). And maybe nipple-less, as men’s should be. But there they are just the same. Breasty.

Turns out the dress didn’t have as much fabric to let out as Lucy originally thought. It appears that the photo shoot people clipped the ample seams about every inch or so down the line, probably so they would lie flat for the model and not look puckered. That’s all well and good for her, but I’ve got 3 1/2 weeks until my flight takes off and I’m unaware of how to work out the fat above my shoulder blades.

Thankfully, before I can burst into tears, Lucy makes me feel like there are still a few options. I’m not wise enough in the ways of dress construction to really understand all that she’s proposing, but I put my faith in her that it’ll all turn out alright. She has a fantastic reputation and an optimistic demeanor. And really, what choice do I have?

Actually, I do have one choice. Romantic Weddings, the company I’ve contracted with in Bali to take care of all the wedding minutia that I have discovered I loathe, has their own bridal boutique. That means I can rent a dress at last minute if my impending lipo appointment fails to produce the desired results. Sure, it’ll cost me extra. Sure, I already have $345 invested in this dress and I think it’s beautiful and I’d hate not to be able to wear it. Sure, I’ll have carted a wedding dress with me 3,000 miles away only to have to cart it back unworn. But, knowing there’s a backup plan gives me the strength to hoist myself up onto Lucy’s dressing box in order for her to concentrate on less controversial topics, such as the hem.

So, will it fit? Will I have to pay for Photoshop classes for a budding Balinese photographer? Or will I have I have to keep my shoulders shrugged during the entire Balinese Blessing ceremony as though I’m unsure of my commitment to Travel Boyfriend? You’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

Way back last week when we thought we were getting married in good old Gold Country and had months and months to plan, I thoroughly dreaded all the phone-call making that seems to be involved in planning a wedding. So now that we’ve injected the planning process with whatever disease afflicted Ralph Macchio in the Three Wishes of Billy Greer, I am frozen with fear by the sight of my own telephone.

The call I was dreading the most was to the wedding dress alterer. I dreaded it because my dress was a photo shoot castoff and although I am eternally grateful to my friend for giving it to me, I blanche at the thought of a seamstress judging me a cheapo. Also, the dress is technically too small, so I fear the words, “all-prune diet.” But really the biggest reason is because I just want to make sure I look kind of pretty on my wedding day and if the dress doesn’t work, that’s it. My image is forever cast in stone and on acid-free photo paper as the world’s first ugly bride.

Luckily, one of the first things I do when faced with a need I don’t know how to fill, is to give a shout-out to all my Betties. And luckily, almost always, my Betties come through. Yelp and Google and The Knot and all those places online are great, but sometimes you just need an honest-to-goodness personal referral from someone you trust. And that’s exactly how I found Lucy’s Alteration & Dressmaking.

One semi-awkward phone call later and I had my appointment. The next day I drove down to San Bruno and found a tiny dress shop next to a grubby a liquor store complete with a mustached ne’re-do-well sitting out front in his tan 1970s Buick. I popped my trunk and gathered up my bag of pure white wedded bliss and gave him a smile as I walked towards the shop thinking, “Yup, that’s right, I’m a motherfucking bride, wino!” It was the first time I really felt like I was starring in the role. Before then, it had just seemed like play-acting. But here I was taking the first step down the aisle. I’m glad he and I could share the moment.

Once inside, Lucy was great. She was confident we could make the dress fit well. She complimented my free-dress shrewdness. And she made me feel like I would be a pretty bride after all. And she did it all for a very reasonable price. With alterations, a dry cleaning to remove photo shoot grass stains, and the pressing, my grand total was a scant $345. One dress shop I’d inquired of in San Francisco had wanted $250 for the dry cleaning alone, so I left feeling like I’d won the dress-altering lottery. And you probably will too.

If you make a visit to Lucy’s for your own wedding dress needs, know that she only takes upfront cash or check. And if you’re looking for someone to make you a dress from scratch, she’s got tons of photos in her shop to convince you she can do anything you can dream up. All you have to do is call.

Travel Bride Basics

Lucy’s Alterations and Dressmaking
187 El Camino Real
San Bruno, CA 94066
(650)589-0847

“Oh my god,” she exclaims. “I’ve got that EXACT dress in my closet at home.”

Lots of questions pop into my head. Questions like, “Huh?” and “Why does my single friend have a random wedding dress shoved in her closet?”

The answer is that she is an art director and after one of her photo shoots, the stylist offered to let her keep it.

“It’s got a few grass stains,” she explains. “But I figured I’d get it dry cleaned and try to sell it or something. It’s a great dress.”

Hmmm, the thought of a free dress is tempting. But I don’t get my hopes up too high seeing as how I’m not photo-shoot-model sized and somewhere in the description, my friend mentioned the word lace.

When we get to her apartment, she rummages through her closet removing a pile of board games and random knickknacks from atop a crinkled clear plastic bag. Inside is the dress. She takes it out and it’s beautiful.

“I thought you said there was lace,” I inquire.

“Lace, beading, same thing.”

For an art director, she’s apparently not hung up on attention to detail. Satisfied this might just work out, and ignoring her suggestion that I drive home in the dress to freak out Travel Boyfriend, I grab the bag and leave in my street clothes.

Once home, TB is as surprised as I am. Before we both get too excited though, I try it on. The dress is two sizes too small, but because the back is corset-like, it’s forgiving.

“It’s beautiful,” Travel Boyfriend says. (Yes, he saw me in it. Get over it.)

I agree to its beauty and naively feel comforted by the fact that the wedding is over a year away and I have plenty of time to engage in a slimming regimen.

Pleased as punch with my good fortune, I take off the dress and shove it into my own closet. Then I head to the kitchen for a snack (I’ll start that slimming regimen tomorrow). I open the freezer and spy a one-pound bag of bacon bits I’d bought from Costco many months ago and promptly forgotten about.

Wow, this day can’t possibly get any better.

Then we went to The Knot to start plugging in our numbers into their helpful interactive budgeting tool. Food costs. Check. Beverage costs. Check. Facility rental fee? Naively, I said, “Hmm, I think that’s included somewhere in there with the food and beverage costs on that first page.” Nope. It wasn’t. The rental cost was on the second page and was meant to be added to the first page total. And that’s about when things started to turn.

During this whole process, neither of us have been very comfortable with the idea of spending so much money for a single day’s event. When we added in the cost of the site fee, we realized the only way we were going to stay under $20k for this wedding was to serve Saltines and garden hose water. And as much as I’d love to see a few key family members attempt to take a drink as I crimp and release the hose, it just started to seem completely exhausting. And a little bit ridiculous.

So Travel Boyfriend and I started to wrack our brains. Vegas? We love Vegas and could just have a fun ceremony at the Little White Wedding Chapel and head out to a cool restaurant and bar afterwards. But, because TB’s Dad is so sick, he can’t fly or even travel by car very far. That means TB’s Mom would either have to skip the wedding too or go alone. Not gonna work.

Cut the list? We’ve got 120 people total and I feel like there are a whole lot of people I want to have at my wedding that already aren’t invited. We’re also still trying to figure out what to do about kids. For every child who attends, that’s one adult that can’t attend. And while there’s a good chance either could end up running around the dance floor with underwear displayed for the whole world to see, it’s just a really tough call to make. Cutting the list just didn’t seem like an option. Plus, the price goes up per person when there are less than 100, so there goes the savings.

Go back to dating? We didn’t have any of this pressure when we were a carefree, unbetrothed couple. Just the occasional odd stare when we told people we’d been together for 6 years. But that didn’t cost me anything close to $30,000.

And suddenly, it hit me…

B…A…L…I…, fools!

I leave for my month-long vacation in Bali in exactly 30 days. Travel Boyfriend had toyed with the idea of coming out for a week and had even managed to secure a round-trip frequent flier ticket just in case. So, why not get married in the most stunning, exotic, ritual-infused (and ridiculously cheap) island I could ever imagine?! Yeah, why not?!

We could still do a reception of sorts when we got back. But it could be more of a fun party and we could actually have it in San Francisco. My parents are coming out for Thanksgiving the day after I return for Bali to spend time with us and Travel Boyfriend’s family. Why not have a little after-wedding family celebration? We’ll still have that fresh “newlywed” smell.

So, from now until October 17, Travel Betty is turning into Travel Bride. Can I pull together a meaningful, romantic ceremony 3,000 miles away in only 30 days and for only $3,000 while wearing a dress two sizes too small? You’ll have to stay tuned to find out!

Obviously there are tons of great locations in Grass Valley, Nevada City, Auburn and the rest of California Gold Country to host a gorgeous wedding. I just didn’t have the time, or frankly the desire, to spend tons of time visiting them all. The three we chose to visit matched our specific criteria and had availability for the dates we were thinking of holding our ceremony. But along the way, there were a few more I thought were quirky and cool:

Miner’s Foundry Cultural Center- This one happened to be booked for all of May 2008, so we didn’t even bother to stop in. But, on their website it looked really interesting and I felt it would make for a very memorable wedding.

Northern Queen Inn- This one has some sort of a connection to a railroad (and you can ride the train!), which I love and the grounds looked picturesque for photographs, but overall I was worried it looked too much like a theme hotel and not a sophisticated locale. Could be wrong though. We never saw it in person.

Stonehouse Restaurant- I really loved the building’s old stonework with this location. And it looks like maybe they technically HAVE had at least one wedding here. But, I was worried that it seem more like we were just getting married in a restaurant and I just want the day to have a little more impact and thoughtfulness. Would be great for a rehearsal dinner though.

If anyone has visited, or better yet, held their wedding at one of these locations, let us know in the comments section.

Gold Country Wedding Resources

Websites and information about weddings in Gold Country are a little scarce and scattered, but these should help get you started

Nevada County Wedding Guide
Nevada City Chamber of Commerce- Weddings
Wedding Event Guide- Nevada City & Grass Valley

Other Betties blogging about getting hitched:

Flaming Tulle- Planning the perfect wedding—without going down in flames.
Stupid Wedding Crap- Exploring the underbelly of the wedding industry.
True Bride Confessions- It’s time to lift the veil.
Indie Bride- A site for the independent-minded bride.
DIY Bride- Your wedding. Your way.
Eco-Chic Weddings- Simple sustainable style.